It’s an old story, too often repeated: Catholic parishioners in the Chicago suburb of Inverness were devastated by the firing of their beloved music director in 2014. His infraction? He was gay and came out publicly with his engagement to his partner. The sands of time have buried this hurt for many (including this author, who was not there at the time), but the Gospel of Jesus does not disappoint. Seeds were planted back then that are flourishing and spreading now, years later.
What happened in response was a model of Christian faith, loyalty to church and synodal listening. From the Holy Family parish web site:
Our pastor encouraged us to learn more about our faith and its teachings on LGBTQ+ issues as well as related societal issues. From this research, a position paper was created and shared with many in leadership within our Church, including Cardinal Blase Cupich. In addition to the position paper, this group was born, with our Pastor’s blessing. Holy Family created a safe, non-judgmental space to gather together so no one feels alone on this journey.
That space was named One in Love Ministry. Participants gather at least monthly to share in what are called deep listening circles, a unique and powerful method similar to the synodal listening method, which are described on our “How To” web site . When someone is sharing their story, there is no cross-talking, just time to give the gift of simply listening. This is followed by a silent, sacred pause, to honor the person’s story (it is not a time to preach or give advice.). After all have had a chance to share, general discussion ensues, especially focused on personal requests for support or help if needed. The meetings are hybrid: in-person and via Zoom to accommodate different levels of comfort with participating and to accommodate distant members.
Holy Family parish members of One in Love went on to pioneer educational demonstrations by inviting pastors, parish staff and even two men who were then auxiliary bishops, Alberto Rojas (now bishop of the Diocese of San Bernardino) and Jeffrey Grob (now archbishop of the Archdiocese of Milwaukee), to participate in these listening circles. This has built understanding, acceptance and defense of the One in Love ministry by ecclesial hierarchy at many levels.
The seed of One in Love next sprouted in the Catholic parishes of Oak Park, a suburb just west of Chicago. The model took root in the spring 2023, when a parishioner from St. Giles Parish family was invited to a Holy Family One in Love listening session. Convinced that this model of respectful deep listening would work well within the Oak Park parishes, we were given permission to replicate the One in Love LGBTQ+ Ministry in this community of parishes. With the full support of the pastor, our first One in Love session was held in September 2023 at St. Giles. It has grown to include monthly listening sessions, guest speakers, LGBTQ allyship training and the blessing of couples as allowed by Fiducia Supplicans at our annual Celebration of Love event.
Seeds were planted back then that are flourishing and spreading now, years later.
This is where my personal story intersects. My son had cantored for the Paschal Triduum at his campus Catholic parish. Later, when he telephoned to inform us he is queer, he also said he had left the Catholic Church for multiple reasons, not the least of which was feeling unjustly condemned. This came as an emotional “punch in the gut,” feeling as if the foundation under our son’s spiritual well-being had just been ripped out from under him and us. Thank God for our local pastor, who was able to allay our parental fears: sexual orientation itself is not a sin. So, the peace of Christ silenced this initial storm. But the silence took us into the closet. How could my wife and I talk about this with friends in our conservative parish? We had nowhere to go, until we stumbled into St. Giles Parish in Oak Park.
We were initially drawn there because of their new ministry for immigrants, but when the meeting was cancelled due to freezing weather, we providentially saw a poster about their One in Love meeting. Thinking this is just what we needed, we joined. The community, literally and metaphorically, brought us in, out of the cold, into a warm embrace. A few weeks later after joining, I was stopped in my tracks by news from our son. He told us an LGBTQ+ teenager—Nex Benedict—had died after being beaten at school. Struck by this tragedy, I asked: “We have Catholic ministries for migrants, but where are the ministries for LGBTQ+ youth that have been attacked and/or driven to desperation?” I felt I had to do something. The Oak Park parishes’ One in Love supported us in starting a fourth group at our southside parish in Tinley Park, St. Julie Billiart. Another seed planted, this time by a young victim.
The ultimate goal of our parish ministry, and what we invite other ministries to do as well, is to seek to bring to fruition Jesus’ prayer: “that they may be one” (Jn 17:11).
It has not been easy. Dozens of fellow parishioners speak to us in private but are not ready yet to attend a meeting in person. After a year of meetings with only three to five people in attendance, our group has wilted and finds itself in need of life support. Such support has been provided by the One in Love Council, a monthly Zoom group of those mentioned above with the mission to offer help to any other Catholic parish that wants to start an LGBTQ listening and support group.
We appreciate the great deal of work already done by other Catholics, who are way ahead of us: groups like Fortunate Families, Outreach, New Ways Ministry, etc. We do not seek to supplant them but envision networking to share best practices. Our mission is to spread in-person opportunities for Catholics who ache to remain One in Love. Motivated by this mission, at each of our meetings, we often recite this “Prayer for Inclusion.”
Lord, give us new strength so that we can build places of belonging:
To create a community for all to share their gifts,
To know that each of us is loved,
To help us see the light of Christ in all—no exceptions.
Let us remember that each of us has potential and purpose.
May we be merciful and just, recognizing God in everyone
so that we can achieve equity for all your children.
We do this in your name. Amen.
Ultimately, we do not seek to change people’s sexual orientation—that is a part of being made in God’s image. Additionally, we do not seek to change church doctrine, but to better understand its fullness. The ultimate goal of our parish ministry, and what we invite other ministries to do as well, is to seek to bring to fruition Jesus’ prayer: “that they may be one” (Jn 17:11).
