In the spring of 2023, though the height of the pandemic was over, the impact of COVID was still fresh in my mind. The social fabric of daily life had changed in ways that still felt unfamiliar. In-person meetings—both personal and professional—had been minimized. Many people had altered their lives, moving away, working remotely and connecting online, all in an effort to protect ourselves—and each other. My volunteer work had abruptly ended, and while life in 2023 was returning to normal, I was still attending weekly Sunday Mass online and often continued to meet friends, coworkers and clients through Zoom.
There was a lingering sense of disconnection—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Something essential about community life had been lost.
The June 2023 Outreach conference at Fordham University felt like an opportunity to reconnect—and to find a meaningful path forward for both myself and the LGBTQ ministry I was part of at the Church of Saint Ignatius Loyola in New York City. I met up with a small group from the ministry, attended several panels, and joined other participants in reflecting on what we had heard throughout the day. One panel in particular, “Working with the Larger LGBTQ Community,” stayed with us long after it ended. It didn’t just inform—it unsettled, challenged, and ultimately compelled us to ask what more we could do within our own parish communities.
A consistent message we heard throughout the weekend—from speakers from GLAAD, PFLAG and the Ali Forney Center—was that LGBTQ children are often rejected by their families because those families believe that being LGBTQ is incompatible with their faith. Many parents had absorbed—directly or indirectly—the idea that God does not love LGBTQ children.
That idea is devastating.
I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a child and come to understand—explicitly or implicitly—that your parents believe God does not love you. To feel that the very source of love and truth your family trusts is being used to justify your rejection. Being a teenager is already difficult; how much more painful must it be to believe that your identity separates you not only from your family, but from God?
Through my volunteer work at the Ali Forney Center—a program that provides protection for homeless LGBTQ youth —I saw firsthand what that rejection can lead to. I
Through my volunteer work at the Ali Forney Center—a program that provides protection for homeless LGBTQ youth and empowers them with the tools needed to live independently—I saw firsthand what that rejection can lead to. I met young people who had been pushed out of their homes and who carried not just anger, but deep wounds. Many of them did not simply distrust the church—they felt abandoned by it. They did not just question God—they believed their parents and God had rejected them first.
Who could blame them?
Standing in those spaces, it became impossible to ignore the connection: when families believe that God does not love their LGBTQ children, the consequences are not abstract. They are immediate, personal and often devastating.
This left us asking: how could we, as members of an LGBTQ ministry within the church, begin to respond?
Our message is simple: God loves his LGBTQ children as he loves all his children.
If parents receive this message from their church—or just as importantly, if they never hear the opposite—that God loves all of his children, including LGBTQ children, then the silence itself can become harmful. Silence can be interpreted as confirmation. In that silence, fear, shame and rejection can grow.
But what if the message were different?
What if, from the pulpit, families heard clearly and directly that God loves their LGBTQ children—fully, unconditionally, without exception?
Perhaps that message would not change every heart overnight. But for some families, it might be enough to pause. To reconsider. To choose love over fear. And for even one child, that could mean the difference between being embraced at home or pushed away from it.
This is how the accompanying letter came to be. We spoke with leaders who had far greater experience than we did in communicating this message. Carl Siciliano of the Ali Forney Center, Jane Clementi of the Tyler Clementi Foundation and Dr. Caitlin Ryan of the Family Acceptance Project, among others, were instrumental in helping us focus our vision.
Our message is simple: God loves his LGBTQ children as He loves all his children.
If that truth were spoken clearly from the pulpit, it could begin to replace shame with dignity, silence with affirmation and rejection with love. We offer this letter as a template, in the hope that others might use it to begin similar conversations in their own parishes—and, in doing so, help ensure that fewer children ever have to question whether they are loved by their families or by God.
An Open Letter to Parish Communities
This message was developed by the the Church of St. Ignatius Loyola, New York, NY, parish ministry as a resource that may be adapted for use in a homily or parish communication.
We are members of the LGBT Catholics and Friends ministry at our parish, and we are writing to urge you to speak to your parish community—especially to families—about the plight of homeless LGBTQ youth.
June is Pride Month—a time that calls us, as people of faith, to examine how we respond to those who feel unseen, unheard or excluded, and to recommit ourselves to Christ’s call to love and compassion.
Our ministry is rooted in faith, prayer and service. We seek to build community, offer spiritual enrichment and serve others—particularly LGBTQ individuals and their families. Through this work, and through conversations with those on the front lines of care, we have come to better understand a painful reality that is often unseen.
LGBTQ youth—children, in many cases—are disproportionately represented among homeless young people in the United States. While estimates vary, studies consistently show that they make up a significant share—often between 20% and 40%—of the homeless youth population, despite being a much smaller percentage of the overall population.
Behind these numbers are real children with real stories.
Many of these young people are not homeless by chance. They are there because they have been rejected by their families after coming out as LGBTQ. In too many cases, that rejection is connected—directly or indirectly—to religious beliefs. Some families have come to believe that being LGBTQ is incompatible with their faith, or that God does not love their child as they are.
The consequences of that belief can be devastating.
Research from groups such as the Family Acceptance Project has shown that LGBTQ youth who experience high levels of family rejection are at significantly greater risk for depression, substance abuse and suicide. Many are forced to leave their homes or feel they have no choice but to run away. Once on the streets, they face increased risks of exploitation, trafficking and serious mental health challenges.
The streets are not a place for children.
And yet, this is where too many of them end up—not because they are unloved by God, but because they have come to believe that they are unloved by their families.
As a church, we have an opportunity—and a responsibility—to respond.
Parents and families need to hear clearly that their LGBTQ children are not outside of God’s love. They need to hear that their children are to be loved, cherished and respected as beloved children of God. When that message is not spoken, silence itself can be misunderstood. It can leave space for fear, shame and rejection to take root.
But when that message is spoken—clearly and compassionately—it has the power to change lives.
Pope Francis spoke directly to this when he said, “God is Father, and he does not disown any of his children.” He reminded us that the church is a mother who calls together all her children—not a place reserved only for a few.
Our hope is simple: that this message of God’s love will be heard within our parish communities and shared within our families.
We ask you to speak about this with your children and grandchildren—to listen with openness, to lead with love rather than fear, and to help ensure that no child ever feels that they must choose between their family and their dignity, or between their identity and God.
We also offer this letter as a template, in the hope that other parishes might begin similar conversations within their own communities.
Every child deserves the love, care and stability of a home. Every child deserves to know they are loved—by their family and by God.
Sincerely,
LGBT Catholics and Friends Ministry
