I drove down to Orlando to visit Pulse with my mom for a memorial 4.9K run in June of 2022. It was six years after the horrific massacre of 49 people at the popular nightclub, and Pulse, with the local community, did (and continue to do) everything in their power to remember and celebrate the souls of the 49 people who were killed.
As I crossed the finish-line, I passed booths that were set up around the park by the former nightclub, as you might see at any Pride event. I will never forget seeing the smiles and joy as people received their medals, took pictures with friends and walked around the park. As I did the same, and I noticed who was and was not present, questions ran through my mind: “Where are the local faith communities? Why is there not any Catholic presence at this memorial event?” Then, as I started to leave, we were approached by an individual asking me if I would sign a petition for the local hospitals to end the ban on receiving blood donations from “men who have sex with men.”
After the run, my mom and I visited the nightclub-turned-memorial next door, offered prayers for the 49 queer people and friends who died that night and asked for their intercession. As we drove home, these questions continued to linger for me including why, even six years later, some communities, especially the local Catholic community, were absent from this memorial.
“What if that were me? What if those were my friends?”
I will never forget waking up as a 16-year-old on June 12, 2016, in my grandparents home in a suburb just north of Orlando. I was not only confronted with deep sadness at the loss of so many lives, but also with this weird feeling that somehow, this was personal. Even though I had not “come out” (nor was I old enough to enter a nightclub) I could not help but ask myself, “What if that were me? What if those were my friends?”
I vividly remember being so angry that there was little to no response or action taken by representatives of the Catholic Church, either. The language everywhere was consistently “We stand with Orlando,” but very little language was given to the LGBTQ souls who passed away or the reality that the largest mass shooting in our country up to that date was at a gay nightclub. Many Catholic parishes around my home offered a Holy Hour or even a Mass to pray for Orlando, but no recognition was given to the reality that those who died, died in a space where they felt they could be authentically themselves.
As I grew older, I became more comfortable with my own identity and leaned into a life of ministry. As I studied theology and eventually began my Master of Divinity degree, the Pulse Massacre always remained in my heart as a motivation for making welcoming and inclusive spaces in the life of the church, not only for LGBTQ Catholics, but for all people. I read James Martin, SJ’s Building a Bridge, subscribed to the New Ways Ministry newsletter, began attending Outreach conferences and assisted the LGBTQ chaplain at the University of Notre Dame where I was receiving my degrees.
The call that I hear, and I invite all of us to hear, from that fateful night is this: “Love one another as I have loved you.” These words, spoken by Jesus in John’s Gospel (13:34), do not call us to love insularly. Rather, they are an invitation to love radically, authentically and wholeheartedly, even when we might not agree with the person we are called to love. Jesus offers us the perfect example of this in the cross and the empty tomb, into which, I firmly believe, the 49 souls that died on June 12, who were created in God’s image and who lived out their identities, have fully entered, now with God in the halls of heaven.
These words of love from Jesus, spoken to us again through the life and testimony of those LGBTQ people who were known for their love, ask us to ponder how we can live out this mandate: “Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.” Maybe it’s by attending a Pride celebration near you or hosting a prayer service and gathering at your parish. Maybe it’s writing a letter to your pastor or bishop. Maybe it’s by lighting a candle and praying for Mary’s intercession in your life to live fully as God created you to be. Or maybe it’s by simply loving freely and radically like Jesus, especially those around you who are members of the LGBTQ community.
The life and testimony of those LGBTQ people ask us to ponder how we can live out this mandate: “Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.”
A few weeks ago, I was back home and I was able to once again stop by the site of the Pulse nightclub. The building itself has been torn down and a gate surrounds the property, as a full museum and memorial will take its place in the coming years.
I stopped for a moment, and took time to realize the growth I’ve experienced in the past 10 years, but also the incredible progress that there has been in the church. Ten years ago, I never would have thought that Outreach would have existed, that Fr. Martin would respond to the call of this tragedy and serve as founder of such a beautiful and impactful ministry nor would I be called to serve in LGBTQ ministry, particularly now as Outreach’s assistant director.
As I walked around the property, I prayed to God in thanksgiving for the work that God continues to do in my life and the life of the church, and said a quick Litany of the Saints with the name of each of the souls lost that night, visible on the gates of the construction site, asking their intercession for the ministry of Outreach and the church at large. As I walked back to my car and began to drive home, I noticed a card advertising a Mass of Remembrance in Spanish for the 10-year anniversary of the Pulse Massacre, being held at a local Catholic parish, a stark contrast to the absence of a Catholic response after the tragedy itself and at the memorial run just a few years later.
Though our church and our world still have much room for improvement in being a welcoming place, tears filled my eyes at the sight of this advertisement of love, “Unidos en fe,” united in faith.
I drove away comforted and charged that the work of love is happening, and that all of us, truly united in faith with the intercession of the souls from Pulse in heaven, may live out Jesus’ mandate: “Love one another, as I have loved you.”
