On a sunny morning in southern California, while my 82-year-old mother and I stood on the balcony of our hotel room gazing at the magnificence of the Pacific Ocean, we saw on the lawn below flowers being positioned, chairs being lined up and photographers checking the light.
We soon realized that a beautiful wedding would take place that afternoon. My mother turned to me and asked, “Why did none of you girls get married outside?” For context, I have five, (yes five!) sisters and no brothers. I looked at her, somewhat perplexed that this question was coming from a woman who went to church every single day, and replied, “Well, the Catholic Church does not allow weddings outdoors.” And then came this retort from my mom: “Why not, it is God’s creation!”
At that moment, I could never have imagined that my own daughter would marry the love of her life on a beach overlooking that same Pacific Ocean along the Mexican coast.
“Why not, it is God’s creation!”
All weddings are a cause for great joy. However, there was something different in the air on the day of my daughter’s wedding. Most of the guests had arrived a few days before, so there was ample opportunity for all of us to get to know each other a bit more as we bumped into each other throughout the hotels and strolled around the small Mexican town where we were all staying. The air was charged with joy and celebration as good wishes were shared from the shop keepers, good food was had and much laughter abounded in our conversations.
On the day itself, as people gathered for the ceremony, there was a clearly heightened sense of joy. Family members and friends shared their excitement that these women, whom they loved, were about to be joined together in marriage. They acknowledged how precious this celebration was because barely a decade ago a a moment like this would not have been possible.
I truly felt God’s presence at the ceremony. In the late afternoon sky the sun glistened through billowing clouds, its rays stretching over these two ladies. I couldn’t help but see it as God’s guiding hand as they pledged their commitment and love to each other. I knew God was blessing this union and would grant them strength in the years to come. Needless to say, many, many tears of joy were shed.
I, too, had cried privately knowing that my daughter would encounter prejudice in her life.
However, these tears of joy contrasted with the painful tears that I had shed in past years. When my daughter came out publicly in high school, though my husband and I had known for years, she asked me why some of her friends and friends’ mothers cried when she shared this with them. I told her that it was because they worried that her life would be just a bit harder because of some people’s attitudes towards the LGBTQ community.
I, too, had cried privately knowing that my daughter would encounter prejudice in her life. As her mother, I grew a bit fearful for her safety. Throughout her life, especially as a teenager and young adult, she had to endure wounding words that, even though not necessarily directed at her, were spoken by friends and some family. My heart was broken at hearing the comments she received. I pray that the love and acceptance from the abundance of people that she holds close will, I hope, fully wash away any tears caused by any unkindness, past, present and future, that she and her wife experience.
The healing power of love and acceptance for LGBTQ people was brought home to me a few weeks prior to the wedding. One of the invited guests, who is gay and could not attend with his partner, said to me that he was sorry to miss it, especially because my husband and I have been so supportive to him over the years. At that moment, I thought to myself, “Supportive? My goodness, we straight people have got to get our acts together!” These two men are just great guys—intelligent and fun to be with; our lives are enriched by their love and friendship. It is I who am grateful to have him and his partner in my life.
That comment made me think back to the Outreach pilgrimage to Rome last September during which my husband and I experienced such a sense of community. We made new friends and were in awe of so many people who, despite feeling alienated by church doctrine, never left the church and continue to work tirelessly to affect change. Their love for Jesus and the church was palpable and transcended the hurt. We felt so privileged to have witnessed such love in the church.
This celebration was truly a joining of two beautiful souls, made in God’s likeness, who will live their lives helping, nurturing and loving each other.
One moment in particular that continues to stand out to me was the night before the procession through the Holy Doors at St. Peter’s Basilica. Roughly 1,500 LGBTQ Catholics from across the world gathered at the Church of the Gesù in Rome to pray together. Standing there, as a rainbow-colored cross processed down the aisle, I had hope that one day the love between two women might be celebrated as holy in the church.
Everyone present understood how grateful my daughter and her wife were for this moment in their lives. As part of their toast, they remarked, “We never take for granted that this celebration was only made possible by individuals who have worked tirelessly to make life safe and happier for future generations”—a bittersweet statement, as no one ever should be marginalized, just as Jesus taught.
This celebration was truly a joining of two beautiful souls, made in God’s likeness, who will live their lives helping, nurturing and loving each other. I am confident that their love will resonate with every person they meet and be an impenetrable shield to any unkindness.
Love from God, family and friends was poured out on that special wedding day. In God’s outdoor cathedral, it was indeed the day the Lord had made, and everyone rejoiced and was glad in it. As I once again oversaw preparations overlooking the Pacific Ocean, as my mother and I had done years ago, I know my mother was smiling from above on this joyous day!
