This essay first appeared in our weekly newsletter on August 3, 2024.
Sometimes it can be hard to be a Catholic. This will not be news to most readers.
Of course, it can also be joyful. Being a member of the Catholic Church means that you are connected to a community of believers that goes beyond the boundaries of geography and time. We are united to what St. Paul called the great “cloud of witnesses,” saints who both pray for us and offer us models of life, from the newest (and youngest) like soon-to-be-Saint Carlo Acutis to the saints of the New Testament, like Peter and Mary Magdalene.
It’s a life that is profoundly sacramental, seeing God in all things, as St. Ignatius Loyola, whose feast we just celebrated, would say. And there are gatherings and celebrations that brings us together with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and Masses that gather around the Table of the Lord, with the Word and with song to inspire us. Sometimes it’s just a lot of fun!
Even with messages of welcome from bishops and from the pope, it can be hard to be Catholic.
But not all the time. Many LGBTQ Catholics know the pain of feeling excluded from their own church, being the recipient of veiled or not-so-veiled insults from church leaders and sometimes feeling like they are the only ones whose lives are morally scrutinized. In some parts of the world, the church sadly imbibes some homophobic attitudes that are completely antithetical to the life of the Christian. Pope Francis has often spoken out against such offenses. Still, even with messages of welcome from bishops and from the pope, it can be hard to be Catholic.
But I would suggest that, at one time or another, and in one way or another, everyone feels that way about their church: straight and gay people, conservatives and liberals, progressives and traditionalists. North Americans, South Americans, Europeans, Asians and Africans. At one time or another, we all can feel disappointed.
So in those times of disappointment, desolation and even despair, where are we to go? This Sunday’s Gospel gives us the answer: Jesus.
In John’s Gospel, the crowds have followed Jesus, who has just fed the multitudes with loaves and fishes. And they notice that they’re still not satisfied.
That is one early clue about how we need to respond to things that happen in church. Sometimes when something good happens in the church for the LGBTQ community—kind words about LGBTQ people from Pope Francis, the announcement that priests can under certain circumstances bless same-sex couples, a public act of welcome by a cardinal or bishop or church leader—I rejoice over it. But then I get messages from people that say, “Not enough!” or “Too little, too late.”
Go to Jesus when you are struggling, and that includes when you are struggling with the church.
This is what the crowd is saying to Jesus after his sign, which is John’s way of speaking about a miracle. “What sign can you do?” Jesus just did one; he just did a miracle for them. But “not enough,” they say. Do another one!
Not enough is not a good place to be. So, the first thing to do in times of desolation is, once again an insight from St. Ignatius, return to moments of consolation. So you can be filled.
But let’s give the crowds the benefit of the doubt. We can all get discouraged, disgruntled or hungry for something that will satisfy. So listen to what Jesus tells them, which is a message for us when we feel we need to be filled: “I am the Bread of Life.” Go to Jesus when you are struggling, and that includes when you are struggling with the church.
Now what does that mean? It sounds nice but a bit abstract. What does it mean to go to Jesus and let him feed you? Well, let me suggest three brief things.
First, go to Jesus in Scripture. Read the Gospels. Get to know who he is. Read a good book on Jesus by a New Testament scholar, a theologian or a spiritual writer. Also, remember, crucially, that he’s alive. He is risen. You’re not just reading some story about some dead guy. You’re reading a story about the risen Christ. The Jesus you’re reading about is the Christ who is with you.
Second, go to Jesus in prayer. Now, I know that’s a big topic, but there are many ways to meet him in prayer. You could use some Ignatian practices and imagine yourself with Jesus in a Gospel passage. Or you could spend time with him in the Blessed Sacrament. In whatever way you like to pray, be with him. Learn new ways to pray. Find a spiritual director. Make a retreat.
Finally, go to Jesus in the community. Seek him alive and active in the body of Christ, which is the church, especially in those who are struggling in any way. Most of all, remember that he’s with you, alive through the Holy Spirit, helping you with your struggles, during your struggles, even during your struggles with the church. Our focus should always be on him.
The church will always be a place of sinners and saints, a place of joy and sadness for us all.
That includes during good times! You know, I’ve met a few times now with Pope Francis one on one. And these moments have been highlights of my life.
But one time after meeting with him, I was walking in Rome on the rooftop of the Jesuit Curia, our headquarters, just a stone’s throw from the Vatican. And there is a huge statue in the garden of the Curia, way up high on a pedestal, of Jesus, which says, in Latin, “Salus Tua Ego Sum.” “I am your salvation.” It is not the pope, as much as I love him. I entered the Society of Jesus, not the Society of Pope Francis.
Look, we always have to remind ourselves when times get tough that the church was not born of a Virgin, nailed to the Cross and risen from the dead. Jesus was. The church will always be a place of sinners and saints, a place of joy and sadness for us all. We are all members of the church, but our faith is in Jesus, the Bread of Life, who wants to nourish us in so many ways. And this Jesus is risen, alive, present, with us and on our side.
